Just A Few Thoughts on Domestic Violence & Victim-Blaming

I really should be going to bed right now, but I had to say a few words about this while I was still pissed about it.

An article posted on feministing.com seemed to invite some trolls in. It turned into a victim-blaming party saying that battered women are at fault for being abused since they don't "just leave". This is such an insensitive and ignorant view to have it actually makes me a bit sick. Do these people think that a relationship is just peachy and then one day your partner backhands you? Abuse is slow-moving sometimes. Sometimes you don't realize what's wrong until it's too late. Or sometimes you do recognize it, but you don't know what to do about it. Or s/he apologizes and says "it'll never happen again" even though it happens on a regular basis. Or (if I may quote some of my own comment:)
"... sometimes it's a person who needs to dominate in order to feel "good enough". Sometimes it's a person who feels (for a plethora of potential reasons) that they deserve abuse. Maybe one was abused as a child and continues the pattern of violence. Maybe one was abused as a child and accepts that role for life. Maybe there's a guy who thinks it's his job to beat on women. Maybe there's a woman who thinks it's her job to get beaten because she's a woman. Maybe the abuser is FUCKING BAT SHIT CRAZY and the partner is afraid to leave. Maybe the abused is afraid that if s/he leaves, the abuser will kill them. Maybe there are children in the relationship and they abused thinks it's better for the kids to stay rather than break up the family. Maybe the abused literally has nowhere else to go..Maybe they really truly do love each other but they don't know how to stop so they just continue giving/accepting abuse and then apologizing & forgiving because no one ever intervenes."

This isn't just a woman's issue either. And I'm not just talking about physical abuse. That mental abuse is powerful stuff. But this happens in straight relationships, gay relationships, to all genders and ethnicities, to people in all classes. There are so many varying factors that to simplify it to "just leave" is like telling an addict to "just quit".

I have nothing but empathy for anyone who is stuck in a cyclically abusive relationship. If by some chance that if you, reading this, I emplore you to go get help right now. I know it will be hard and maybe you're not ready yet. But please don't make any more excuses for your partner and don't wait for things to get better, because they most likely will not. Call the police, get a separation/divorce or just pack your shit and go. Call someone you trust. Stay with your parents, your friends or go to a motel as far away as you can get. If you have kids, please, GET OUT FASTER. They will not be better off growing up with an abuser in the house. Even if your kids don't get hit, watching or hearing it happen to someone they love will leave scars that last just as long. The abuse is NOT YOUR FAULT, but there are ways you can get help and ways you can help yourself. Most of all, don't lose hope and don't give up on yourself. You can get through this and live better than you ever thought possible. You deserve better, because no one deserves to be abused. I know you must be scared. Please stay strong and when you are ready, go out and take care of yourself.

Alright. That's all I needed to say. Read more: http://www.blogdoctor.me/2007/02/expandable-post-summaries.html#ixzz1Ygp5vxLJ